Reader´s note: since this blog turned out to be relatively long, I have edited it to be a two-part series for convenience. Read to find out about why I feel that there is no such thing as a stupid question, why I used to fear asking questions and how I eventually overcame this fear. Do comment below to share with me your thoughts about asking questions or if you have been ridiculed for asking a stupid question.
Recently, I was called out by an Instagrammer for asking a "stupid" question. Much to my surprise, it did not affect me as much as I thought it would. In fact it inspired me to write here about why it is OK to ask "stupid" questions. According to me, there is no such thing as a stupid question. When a person asks a question, it means that they don´t know something and they are making an effort to learn about it. The person responding can either a) answer the question, b) point them to resources from where the other person can learn from, or c) just ignore the question. The minute someone calls it a "stupid" question, it implies that they are judging others for not knowing something and giving themselves an ego boost by belittling them. As for me, I do not give a tiny rat´s ass for their approval or their ego. I just asked a question. If you are going to judge me for that, it is your problem - not mine.
However, I was not like this before. Even though I was blessed to have parents and grandparents who never dismissed any question as a stupid question, there were plenty of other people in my life who had shamed me for asking questions or being stupid for not knowing the answers myself. These were people at school, pesky relatives, neighbours, etc.
One might wonder, what harm could the opinopns of some peers or relatives possibly do? If you think about it, the answer is plenty. Children spend about half of their time awake at school socialising with peers and teachers. After school, time is spent on other classes, playing, doing homework etc. In my case, I had working parents too, so my quality time with them was mostly during dinner; nighttime and in the mornings before school. Majority of my time included these other people in my life. Even my summer holidays were spent at my aunt´s house in Madurai or visiting other cousins in Chennai or simply playing with friends.
Most of the people´s standard response to a question is - "idhu kooda theriyada?"(don´t you even know this?). This would often come from neighbours, relatives and other parents, because in their mind, their child is better than me and knows this already. Startling as it may sound, even some teachers at school used to say this ("idhu kooda theriyama edhukku class ku vande"). I used to have a problem with this. It implied that it was a stupid question and it was expected that I know it already. I It implied that I was being judged, and was not meeting their expectations. I was even worried that my parents would be judged because of me and that I am bringing them shame. As a child, I did not know how to react and equated it to my sense of worth and self-esteem. This led to me not asking any questions at school or when I was with some friends and their family or with my extended family members. I used to be talkative, but I´ll become oddly silent if I had questions about something being discussed that I did not know about. I could have lied and pretended to know, but I have always been terrible at lying. Even at school, I never used to ask questions to most of my teachers if I did not understand a topic. I used to try and figure it out by myself or take help from my trusted circle of friends.
To be continued on the blog next week...
