These days I am reading a lot of letters-
a. letters from future DILs to MILs telling them what they can expect of a modern Indian woman
b. letters from existing DILs to MILs telling them how they can make their life better
c. letters from MILs to DILs often telling them they are like their parents too and they needed to be treated fairly and not as some nosy meddlers
These are the modern versions of the 'maamiyar-marumagal' banter and to an extent completely justified. Unfortunately and as always the son is missing from these conversation. The son is always victimised as being torn between the love for his wife and his parents. Wouldn't it be much easier for for all of us if you, as the son, set your expectations in the beginning? I am not asking you to take sides here, just be more vocal about your thoughts on issues that matter to ensure we are all on the same page before we start our lives together. So here are some of the things, my dear husband, that I wish you can set straight with your parents before we tie the knot
1. Wedding expense:
I thought these things are a part of the past, but clearly not. Some parents feel that just because they have given birth to you and educated you, they are entitled to an extravagant wedding according to their status (?!); entitled to choose even the minutest details like the caterer's uniform; but all the expense must be borne by the bride's family. I am not sure if you are aware of these demands made by your parents, but can you please tell them that this unacceptable?
It will be great if you share the expenses with us, after all it is your wedding too! I know in some cases that it is a matter of pride for the bride's family to run the wedding, but at least offer to share please? Especially if your parents are picky about everything right from what should be served for breakfast and how the stage arrangements should be and who the DJ should be! It is to be noted that just because you are their only son, none of their preferences are even close to reasonable (in most cases!) Obviously we would not say no to a reasonable demand, would we?
2. The dress issue:
I know you are super-cool with the way we dress, at least that's what you say. But can you please tell your parents too? We can't lead two lives- one for ourselves and one for your parents. That's not honest. Just because we are your wife, we can't be expected to be clad in sarees all the time (it happens only in movies). It is quite funny don't you think? Have you ever been asked to come dressed in veshti for a function? Just because we are married to you, should we wear a saree all the time? Trust me, we will wear saree more often than you will wear veshti in our entire lifetime. If you had a sister at home, would your parents impose a dress code on her? Or even if they did, do you think she will abide by it?
3. Household chores:
Your parents might have raised you as the prince who didn't have to raise his little finger to get any work done. Fortunately for m and unfortunately for you, I was also raised the same way. Even we are used to our parents doing everything for us. We find it incredibly sexy when you do household chores, but are you aware that your parents think we have enslaved you even if you offer to lift a grocery bag for us? Kindly tell them that we are also like you when it comes to chores. If both us don't pitch in to do the work around the house, it would be unfit for humans to live!
4. Babies:
Whether your parents really want us to have babies or they just want to fend off questions from relatives, I don't know. But you should know that parents start dropping hints about babies as early as 3 months into the marriage. We know you are not ready for it yet and so are we. But it would be very very helpful if you talk to your parents about it. Could you please take this one bullet for us at least?
All these years I have seen men be mute spectators to the emotional tussle that goes on between the wives and their mothers. We love you and we know that they love you too. It is not our intention to create a rift between the two of you. Most of the men that I have seen, tell their wives that they can be themselves at all times except when their parents are around. Isn't that dishonest? How long can we pretend to be something that we are not? The more you prolong your silence, the more they think that we have changed you and estranged you from them. Is that how you'd like your parents to think about us?
I have just voiced out some of my opinions on the issues above. Not all girls are like me and they might have an opinion different from mine. But if you can talk to your parents and the girl you are about to marry and set your expectations up-front, I am sure it would be the first step towards a marriage of mutual understanding and respect between both the families. I am not promising perfect marital bliss here, but at least it would lead to fewer maamiyar vs. marumagal dramas.
a. letters from future DILs to MILs telling them what they can expect of a modern Indian woman
b. letters from existing DILs to MILs telling them how they can make their life better
c. letters from MILs to DILs often telling them they are like their parents too and they needed to be treated fairly and not as some nosy meddlers
These are the modern versions of the 'maamiyar-marumagal' banter and to an extent completely justified. Unfortunately and as always the son is missing from these conversation. The son is always victimised as being torn between the love for his wife and his parents. Wouldn't it be much easier for for all of us if you, as the son, set your expectations in the beginning? I am not asking you to take sides here, just be more vocal about your thoughts on issues that matter to ensure we are all on the same page before we start our lives together. So here are some of the things, my dear husband, that I wish you can set straight with your parents before we tie the knot
1. Wedding expense:
I thought these things are a part of the past, but clearly not. Some parents feel that just because they have given birth to you and educated you, they are entitled to an extravagant wedding according to their status (?!); entitled to choose even the minutest details like the caterer's uniform; but all the expense must be borne by the bride's family. I am not sure if you are aware of these demands made by your parents, but can you please tell them that this unacceptable?
It will be great if you share the expenses with us, after all it is your wedding too! I know in some cases that it is a matter of pride for the bride's family to run the wedding, but at least offer to share please? Especially if your parents are picky about everything right from what should be served for breakfast and how the stage arrangements should be and who the DJ should be! It is to be noted that just because you are their only son, none of their preferences are even close to reasonable (in most cases!) Obviously we would not say no to a reasonable demand, would we?
2. The dress issue:
I know you are super-cool with the way we dress, at least that's what you say. But can you please tell your parents too? We can't lead two lives- one for ourselves and one for your parents. That's not honest. Just because we are your wife, we can't be expected to be clad in sarees all the time (it happens only in movies). It is quite funny don't you think? Have you ever been asked to come dressed in veshti for a function? Just because we are married to you, should we wear a saree all the time? Trust me, we will wear saree more often than you will wear veshti in our entire lifetime. If you had a sister at home, would your parents impose a dress code on her? Or even if they did, do you think she will abide by it?
3. Household chores:
Your parents might have raised you as the prince who didn't have to raise his little finger to get any work done. Fortunately for m and unfortunately for you, I was also raised the same way. Even we are used to our parents doing everything for us. We find it incredibly sexy when you do household chores, but are you aware that your parents think we have enslaved you even if you offer to lift a grocery bag for us? Kindly tell them that we are also like you when it comes to chores. If both us don't pitch in to do the work around the house, it would be unfit for humans to live!
4. Babies:
Whether your parents really want us to have babies or they just want to fend off questions from relatives, I don't know. But you should know that parents start dropping hints about babies as early as 3 months into the marriage. We know you are not ready for it yet and so are we. But it would be very very helpful if you talk to your parents about it. Could you please take this one bullet for us at least?
All these years I have seen men be mute spectators to the emotional tussle that goes on between the wives and their mothers. We love you and we know that they love you too. It is not our intention to create a rift between the two of you. Most of the men that I have seen, tell their wives that they can be themselves at all times except when their parents are around. Isn't that dishonest? How long can we pretend to be something that we are not? The more you prolong your silence, the more they think that we have changed you and estranged you from them. Is that how you'd like your parents to think about us?
I have just voiced out some of my opinions on the issues above. Not all girls are like me and they might have an opinion different from mine. But if you can talk to your parents and the girl you are about to marry and set your expectations up-front, I am sure it would be the first step towards a marriage of mutual understanding and respect between both the families. I am not promising perfect marital bliss here, but at least it would lead to fewer maamiyar vs. marumagal dramas.
